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Clarke Scott is a fully ordained Buddhist monk trained in the Tibetan tradition. A student of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, Clarke has received personal instructions—direct one-to-one instructions—on Madhyamaka philosophy and meditation from His Holiness. Recently Clarke moved to Tasmania to pursue a Ph.D in Buddhist philosophy from the University of Tasmania.
Dealing with grief and loss in Buddhism
By Loden Jinpa – November 27, 2007 · News
I’ve tried to start this post several times but, I am lost for words.
Geshe Jampa Gyatso one of my teachers has passed away.
Geshe Jampa Gyatso was born in Dham in north-central Tibet in early 1932. At the age of 7 he received the novice vows from the famed Purchog Jamgon Rinpoche of Sera Je Monastery. Rinpoche, recognized as the manifestation of the future Buddha Maitreya, gave the boy the name Jampa Gyatso which means Ocean of Love.
I met Geshe-la when I attended the Masters Program at ILTK an FPMT center in Tuscany Italy in 1998-99. Geshe-la made such an impact on my life that I never felt far from him although I lived on the other side of the world and I continued to study his teachings. Unfortunately I was unable to see him one last time before his shock passing yesterday.
I had always planned on going back to see him again, if only just for a holiday and so his passing has knocked the wind out of me. It was so unexpected I’m still shaking my head in disbelief. So to try and make sense of this I thought I ponder the question.
How does a Buddhist deal with the process of grief and lose?
All meeting ends in parting.
All things are impermanent, be it persons or events. If one has a realisation – an internalised understanding – of this then the pain of grief will be diminished. Now this is not a case of putting a positive spin on things, or trying to feel better about a bad situation. Its simply stating the truth…all meeting ends in parting. The Buddha was quite good at pointing out everyday facts, that can on the surface seem quite simple but have massive implications on mental health if practiced.
We tend is hold things as if they are permanent, not even realizing that is what we do. I always felt that I had time left to see Geshe-la, after all he was only 75. But the truth is none of us know how long we are going to be here for! We could die tomorrow.
The best way to deal with grief and lose is not to dwell on missed opportunities or what if’s. To understand that lose is something that is a natural part of life, and of course in the end, all Geshe-la would want is for his students to practice what he taught them.
So with that in mind, its off to my meditation cushion I go.
And to all of Geshe-la’s other students my heart goes to you.
Comments
5 Responses to “Dealing with grief and loss in Buddhism”
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Dear Loden Jinpa,
I’m extremely sorry to hear about the passing away of your teacher.
I can feel what you are feeling now.
Sometime back I faced a personal tragedy in my life. It was so unexpected that I felt my life just fell apart.
At that time I did not know about Buddha’s teachings on impermanence and so it was very difficult to cope with the loss.
It was very difficult to accept why this happened to me.
This event opened the door to Buddhism for me. Now I am able to accept and understand this much better.
Most of my grief was due to attachment and grasping for the self.
Although I still have a sad feeling, I’m able to cope with my emotions and feelings much better than before.
I’m sure you will understand and accept this as one of the many things that happen mysteriously in our lives.
I hope you will come out of this stronger.
Warm regards,
Anwesh
Loden-la,
My thoughts are with you. It is good that you try to grow in your realization of the Dharma through the loss of your teacher. And I suspect that, just as the Buddha told Ananda before his death, Geshe Jampa Gyatso’s teachings will continue to be your teacher even after his passing.
~lotus
Thanks to both of you for the kind words.
Actually I’m not sad as it is difficult to sad about meeting teachers like Geshe Jampa Gyatso but, it was certainly a shock!
I think probably because of I had always planned and seeing him again. I hope that he will return soon and I will report on the progress of his rebirth as things progress.
Luckily my root lama and the lama I live with in Australia – Geshe loden – is still very healthy. So I am an extremely fortunate person to who a couple of outstanding teachers.
I might in a little while update this post to reflect the title a little more.
Dear Loden Jinpa,
Very sorry to hear of your loss.
I found this site while browsing the web for some Buddhist ideas to help me deal with the loss of my father.
I have found Buddhism to be the only answer to dealing with life (and all its unexpectedness) without getting caught up in more complications. I have tried hard (though it is not easy for someone not trained) to accept the inevitability of the eventual loss of everything one holds dear. The more one holds something dear, the more dukkha on losing it.
I am not a monk and cannot let go of my loved ones. But even accepting the nature of life helps in dealing with it when one suffers loss.
Please keep my family in your prayers.
Sorry to hear about your lose. But you still have memories, so are you really a loser?
>The more one holds something dear, the more dukkha on losing it.
That is not really true. It is holding to permanence that is the problem. The Buddha didn’t say you can’t love people, have friends and hold people as important. What he said was, “All meeting, ends in separation” So it is how we relate to others that is the problem maker!
LJ